No, I DON'T Feel Lucky As A Matter Of Fact

It is now 1:57 pm MST and it is already a rotten day.

Woke up to discover that the toddler who has been up since I don't know when has ransacked the kitchen and hidden his swag of chip clips, flashlight, and fortune cookie under his blanket. Oh yes, he also peed on the kitchen floor.

Apparently my son has once again dipped into his stash as his behavior can only be described as "Mosquito with ADHD high on crack." He won't stay still, he won't listen, he is doing everything he possibly can to rile me.

I know why he's doing it, but of course I can't make him understand. I have to work, and when I don't work I have other things that need to be done. I can't spend 100% of any one day just with him. I don't exactly have somebody pulling in the dollars for us so I can spend the day with him. I don't even have the money to put him in day care to spend time with kids his own age, all I can afford is my mother who doesn't have the physical ability to watch him more than 3 days in a row, and does not drive. I feel like I'm being punished by the boy for the crime of having to do the work of both mom and dad, which (and of course he's too little to understand this) if I had my choice would NOT be the case.

Okay, so as the only driver, grocery shopping is my job. Of course all the stores got together and decided to hold sales on just a couple things I need per store. Here's the game plan: Kiddo and I hit Safeway, then Sonic for corn dogs, and another store at least. What happened instead?

We went to Safeway (after the Kiddo was properly attired in shirt, jeans, monkey sandals, plaid hat, sunglasses and track jacket; he looked like a snowbird.) and I locked my purse in the trunk. No keys. No phone. No wallet. Luckily my dad (who rocks sometimes) pays for a yearly AAA membership. Back to the store. Call AAA. Wait for the guy to unlock the car. Get approached by a panhandler that looked exactly like a hungover college kid and not the hungry homeless guy he claimed to be.

"Could you spare some money so I can get something to eat?"
"Can you spare a AAA driver to get my car open so I can get to my wallet?"
"That would take me a while."
"Then I can't help you."

Well the dude showed up and opened the door with, I shit you not, a blood pressure cuff. Okay! Trunk's open, keys in hand, off to Sonic!

We're happily munching away...okay that's not true. I am angrily munching away as Kiddo complains that his food is too hot and he wants his chocolate milk. I was waiting for a little cup with lid and straw for the milk, since that's way easier for him to handle. Get the milk all set up. Munch, munch, mu- "Mama! I gotta go to the bathroom!!!"
"Now?!"
"NOW."

By the time I got to the backseat, it was already too late. Ho-kay, go to restroom, convince toddler that restroom will have to do even if it is poorly lit and a bit scary. Remove wet pants and undies. Take track jacket (how glad I am he insisted on wearing it) and fashion it into a sarong. Take every napkin in the car and put in car seat, go home. Mom changes kid into new undies and sweat pants, I disengage cover from car seat and get it in the machine. Toddler has removed the top and straw from his remaining chocolate milk and when I said for him to give it to me, danced away from me while laughing, took a big gulp and spilled it all over his shirt and the floor.

It was at this point I seriously contemplated taking up alcoholism.

Remove shirt and put it in washer along with car seat cover, jeans, undies, and track jacket. The only original piece of clothing he is still able to wear is his hat which he then volunteered for the washer. I still don't know why.

When did I get this twitch in my left eye?

Right. Enough of that, the child needs scrubbing after all this.

"You. Child. Go get naked. It's shower time."

Scrub the bejeezus out of son, dry thoroughly, dress, send straight to bed. Why?

"So I do not kill you, Son. Say GoodNap to Gramma and. Go. To. Sleep."

It is not even 2:00pm. I still have mondo shopping to do, but I'm waiting until these twitches stop and I no longer sound like Dirty Harry when I speak.

What a rotten Saturday.