Baking, Day 1

So this weekend is Baking Weekend. I love baking, don't get me wrong, but I prefer to just go in the kitchen on a whim and make some cookies instead of planning it out around holidays and shipping schedules. Today I managed to complete the cranberry bread.

Cranberry bread is one of those things from my childhood that was always made for the neighbors because it's just so damn Christmassy. It was a no-brainer to make cranberry bread, I even figured on using some orange extract I have to make a nice glaze. Cranberry and orange are a popular combo, right? One thing about me you don't know, dear 1.5 readers?

I fucking HATE cranberries. They are a utilitarian fruit put on this earth to rid the bodies of pesky Urinary Tract Infections, and they are flavored as they are to be a deterrent from ever getting another UTI.

But I know I am in the minority in my hatred of cranberry, so I make the bread. We always used, of all things, the Pilsbury Quick Bread mix, because it tasted good (I was told) and was a lot easier than farting around with Bladder Fruit. A nice mix with a homemade glaze? No problemo....

Except I couldn't find the mix. I found pumpkin, banana, nut, cinnamon and even fucking DATE bread mix but no cranberry. I had to settle for another brand of cranberry/orange muffin mix, a brand that in the past has produced nothing but some sort of cross between sawdust and cardboard flavored baked goods. Oh hell, that's what doctoring is for. It works for cakes, no reason it can't work for muffin/bread mix, right?

Well there was one thing I had forgotten about. My mother the kitchen grump queen. This brand of mix is one of those "just add water" mixes. Never do this. Here is a transcript from my kitchen, shortly after lunch:

Me: "Just add water"? No I don't think so.
Mom: Don't experiment with the mix, mixes aren't for experimenting!
Me: You sure like the cakes that come from this kind of experimenting, why not do it to this mix?
Mom: Just make it the way they say, there's milk and eggs and things already in there!
Me: So? They're already in cake mixes too, and, again, messing with them turns out well.
Mom: But why? What do you want to do?
Me: I'm adding 2 cups of milk instead 2 cups of water, beyond that, I don't know until it's mixed up.
Mom: But why add more milk?
Me (losing my temper at this point): BECAUSE THESE CRAP MIXES ARE JUST LIKE BISQUICK KNOCK-OFF PANCAKE MIXES. YOU JUST ADD WATER TO THOSE AND WHAT DO THE FINISHED PRODUCT TASTE LIKE?
Mom: They taste like flavorless crap.
Me: And how did YOU teach me to fix them so that didn't happen?
Mom (mumbling): add milk
Me: RIGHT. NOW LET ME DO THIS.

What I ended up doing was using milk instead of water, added a touch of cinnamon to the mix and making a glaze with powdered sugar, orange flavor, vanilla, cinnamon, a little water and a dash of milk.

And how does it taste?

I don't fucking know. I HATE cranberries, remember?